Princess Up-Chuck

Hello blog.  I have ignored you for quite some time now.  But I sit at home now with food poisoning from an absolutely delicious veggie burger that I would eat all over again despite the 6 hour vomit marathon that followed.  So now, sitting in my pajamas all day has afforded me the opportunity to give a little update on what this little indian princess has been up to.

I flew home on saturday to surprise my parents for the weekend.  Just one of the few luxuries that money can afford me.  Boy am I glad I sold my soul for this failing American dollar they keep giving to me in single denominations, shoving them relentlessly into my fat corporate waistband.  The weekend was a blur of unlimited Indian food that I thought would have steeled my stomach against something so amateur as a veggie burger.  Apparently not.  My parents were very surprised.  My dad literally jumped out of his chair when I walked into the room.  Probably the fasted he’s ever moved in the last 40 years.  An amazing weekend of doing nothing and getting pampered.  Heaven.

Well.  That about sums up my extremely exciting and fun filled life right now.  Thanks blog for letting me share my stories with the world.  Happy Halloween.

Here are some pics of Halloween 2005. 

 

Getting married to Jesus.

Odd Eye Anecdotes

Many interesting things can happen to you in one day.  For example, today I saw a perfect example of ”Negative Space Self”.  This is when you see someone who looks exactly like you, but of the ”opposite” race (I use this term lightly… what’s the opposite of brown?)  It is a rare thing to see your negative space self – so cherish the moment.  Perhaps follow them a little…. maybe casually try to hold their hand… a gentle caress…..

The second really interesting that I saw today was some primo Key-card calisthenics.  This story is best told with the aid of some visuals.  Imagine four giant concrete structures housing hundreds of people, manned by hundreds more – a security nightmare… or is it?  not when you have these magic little key-cards that let you in everywhere.  Your status as new resident, temporary corporate pig, or old time dweller is astutely defined by the placement of this key-card on your person.  As a corporate pig I keep my key-card in the luxurious plastic key-card holder arrogantly emblazoned with the corporate logo.  Some newbies try different variations on the key chain or wallet.  But you know you really have a veteran when you can pull off these key-card calisthenics.

This man opened two doors this way, and I wonder… if I hadn’t been right behind him when we got to the elevator bank, how would he have hit the button? 

New Position Available: Only experienced bathers need apply.

So apparently the days of getting shampoo in your eye are not really a distant memory.  Who gets shampoo in their eyes??  Me.  That’s who.  Maybe those nerds had it right.. maybe they weren’t just trying to see themselves naked when they were wearing their glasses in the shower, maybe they were meant to be an instrument of survival in that harsh ceramic jungle.  I will be taking applications for qualified bathers, because apparently I need help – only experienced bathers need apply.

Conference Call Capers

Ah.. the joys and wonders of innovative, modern office technology.  I love the crazy things that can happen when serious business is at hand, and you have a mute button.  Here are a few of my favourite conference call moments:

1.  Calling all the boys in for a last minute conference call with big client late Friday afternoon:  Putting the call on mute and pretending we are playing Girl Talk.

2.  “MUTE ON, MUTE OFF” game – this involves either singing a song, or for those tone deaf participants out there, perhaps a dull monotonous hum – one person is in charge of the mute button, and kind of like musical chairs, you have to anticipate when the mute button will be turned off and stop your joyous song of glee.  Best results when coupled with the ”LIGHTS ON, LIGHTS OFF” Dance party demonstrations.

3.  Smelling the white board markers (Lets be honest – appropriate good fun anytime)

4.  Shifting, quite intentionally, in those fancy leather chairs.  There is no comfortable or casual way to talk over that kind of “interruption”. 

5.  The ultimate game of chicken – leaving the room and seeing how long you can be gone before the client notices.  This is dangerous business.  Whoever is the first one to go back is immediately proclaimed as the office weiner and must finish the remainder of the call answering all questions with affirmative statements like “No doubt”, “Righteous”,  and “Indubitably”.

 (Intense Girl Talk moments at TK sleepover ‘06)

Bonehead Bill

I have started to regularly watch Real Time with Bill Maher on Friday nights (yes, this is how I spend my free time).  I enjoy the show because you really get to hear the opinions of a rather random group of people on current hot topics.  Actors,  authors, politicians, socialists all get a platform to openly debate and present their point of view.  More often than not, I find I side with Bill Maher as he tends to present the most reasonable, fair minded and intellectual point of view on the issues being discussed (even if he does it rather pompously).  So you can imagine my surprise when watching Real Time this Friday to find Bill Maher making the most blatantly ignorant comments about an issue he clearly hasn’t done enough research on, and instead siding with Ben Affleck of all people who was seemingly making the most sense out of all the panelists.  The issue being discussed started as a debate on new US policies regarding immigration, illegal aliens, working conditions, and apparently some hair-brained Bush admin plan to build a fence at the US-Mexico border.  The conversation progressed to issues of multilingualism and whether or not this concept actually works in practise ( I hold that it does… most European countries have more than one language).  However, at this point the topic turned to the apparent level of “tolerance” this country – America – demonstrates and at which point does that go too far.  Should the US tolerate that many new citizens can’t speak English and maybe in their lifetime will only learn enough English to get by, not necessarily become fluent.  Should the US tolerate people who “cling” to their old country ways?  It was at this point that Bill made a most shocking statement of intolerance.  He said that he found the burka – the traditional full body covering Muslim women wear – to be intolerable.  He said it was a symbol of intolerance, oppression, and inequality between the sexes,  and by merely allowing women to continue to wear this in this country was to oppose fundamental American values.  He went on to say that he couldn’t understand why women, who have now emigrated to the west would continue to wear the veil.  He even went as far as to compare it to the KKK white hood.  OH MY GOD!  I was shocked, appalled, horrified, and angered by these blatantly ignorant statements.  Being a women who used to wear the hijab – for about 10 years thank you very much – I was so angered at someone taking something so beautiful, a gracious representation of ones love for god, a symbol of self-respect, and compare it to something so hateful as the KKK white hood!  I respect and appreciate tv personalities that support platforms of free speech that encourage people to THINK before they accept -  Real Time is just such a platform – however, what Bill really needs to be reminded of is that as someone who holds such an influential position over his audience, he really needs to be more conscientious of the effects of his words.  Basically, what I’m trying to say is ”quit being such a bonehead Bill!”

FUNBELIEVABLE

Last night, I went to the most amazing concert I have been to in a long while.  I saw Beck at the UIC Pavilion.  The venue was smaller than I expected and my mid-level tickets ended up being pretty primo.  Minus all the synchronized clapping, which would ruin any good thing, the show was fantastic.  If you can make it to a concert on this tour, it is definitely worth it.  Throughout the entire show, the band had a full set of life-like muppets on stage who mimicked all their movements and were the main backdrop of the stage.  The show included a hilarious montage of the muppets arrival in Chicago and their subsequent high-wind trauma that eventually blew them right into the UIC Pavilion.  The encore presentation involved Beck and band member Ryan coming out in full bear costumes – which were also represented on the muppet stage by stuffed bears with fangs.   All the classics were played, plus essentially every song on his new album.  My only peeve with the show was that he really only played for a little over an hour including the encore and the available merch was a little sub par – although you could get t-shits that you could custom design along the same theme as the new album – stickers!  All in all a pretty rockin’ show. 

The Perfect Night

Disliking the toils of lame-o housekeeping – which by the way I don’t really have to worry about as some crazy cleaning lady comes every Tuesday to rummage through my things and judge me – I have been artfully avoiding the launderial efforts in a vain attempt to prove that the little panty dispensing magic golden treasure trunk the local leprechaun (better known as Mr.Chopra – the convenience store clerk in the lobby) gave me will in fact sustain me until Christmas.  However the emergency saggy crotch granny reserves have had to come out in full force.  Many of you are probably laughing your panties right off as you read this, because you may know me as the original Granny, however in my efforts to embrace the grown up world  I so recently joined, the panty repopulation efforts are in full force.  No more will I so naively believe that no one is looking at my ass, no more gasps of horrified astonishment at my audacious panty lines, the delicate fabric of these panties no longer scream “give me an atomic”  – Dis babyz all grownz up.  Finally, just short of desperately calling my disposable panty dealer in a cold sweat clutching grimy dollar bills in my hands, I did my laundry.  It was glorious.

And… to top off an already magical evening, one of the greatest movies of all time – Revenge of the Nerds – was on t.v. last night.   A truly inspirational story of friends who change their fate just by the power of their convictions, their hard work, and a robot.  This movie has taught me so much

1.  Showering with your glasses on is a totally acceptable and natural practise. 

2.  No man is more beautiful than Ted McGinley

3.  Mopery: The act of exposing oneself to a blind person – punishable by law.

Kathy, you so crazy!

We had some clients come visit last week… and the buzz around the office was which actors/actresses we would get to play us as we all hopelessly hid under our desks trying to avoid their accusatory stares as we muttered numbers under our breaths giving ourselves paper cuts in the desperate attempts to escape under the ruse of serious injury….

  Some one… quite foolishly suggested that Lisa Ray (HOT!) would be great for me…. rrrrright….

I hold that Kathy Bates is a better match ….

you be the judge.

Happy Anniversary!

To me!  One month today, I moved to chicago.  The End.

Simple pleasures for simple minds….

So…. work has been sucking the life juice right out of me lately in a way that is only enjoyable in the cover of darkness.. (because of the free dinners of course….).  So I take pleasure in the simpler things in life… this sight greets me everyday as I make my way through the crowds to work……quite possibly the best bike of all time… These pictures don’t do it justice.
Pimp this ride, bitch

 

      

This bike hasn’t moved since I have been here…  I’m pretty sure after Monday’s crazy hail storm, someone had to have replaced the bedazzled American flag that hung so proudly off the front end…. but who is this mystery owner who so proudly adorns this bike with symbols of love… WHO?